My mother took her last breath on this earth at 4:45 am on October 9, 2013, with me sitting by her side and holding her hand as she lay unconscious on her hospital bed. In the background was softly playing the Hindu Mahamrityunjaya Mantra:
“OM. Tryambakam Yajamahe, Sugandhim Pushti-Vardhanam, Urvarukamiva Bandhanaan, Mrityor Mukshi Yamamritaat…” which roughly translates to “We Meditate on the Three-eyed reality Which permeates and nourishes all like a fragrance.
May we be liberated from death for the sake of immortality, Even as the cucumber is severed from bondage to the creeper.”
The doctor came in and pronounced her dead and although I knew the end was near even when I stepped onto the plane in Dallas, there was a moment of disbelief. I was told when I reached Bombay that my mother was clinging on to her life just waiting for me to arrive. When I reached the hospital, she was unconscious and breathing hard. As I sat next to her and talked to her hoping that she was sensing my presence at some subconscious level, I was also hoping against hope that she would suddenly open her eyes and give me the special smile that she had for me, her oldest child. But it was not to be and some 30 hours after I arrived, she left this earth without regaining consciousness. I never left her side once she passed, staying at her bedside, in the hearse which took her home, during the ceremonies which followed, back into the hearse to the crematorium for more ceremonies till I finally lit the funeral pyre, gently pushed her body into the incinerator, collected her hot ashes with my bare hands about an hour later and then immersed them in the sea at 1:45 pm on the same day.
Now it is more than 2 months since her passing and I look back on her life and the special bond that we had from the beginning of my life to the end of hers.
My mother was married when she was only 17. She used to tell me that she was a very smart student in school and wanted to be a doctor. But in those days, girls were not expected to be too smart – just get married as soon as they were out of school and have a family.
I was born to my mother when she was just 18. She used to tell me that I almost died at birth since my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck and I choked to the point that I was blue when I was born. So my survival was like a miracle to her.
And the strange part was that all my life whenever I looked at her, I could see the infinite love she had for the baby who almost never made it. And from my side, as a child, my mother was this most beautiful person in the world, who could solve any problem that I brought to her, who was my biggest cheer-leader when I was succeeding at something and the person who would console me at times of loss and sorrow.
I realize now that almost everything I did was to try to impress her – and she used to be thrilled with whatever little thing I accomplished. And she believed that I was smart enough to achieve anything I wanted in life – and she also knew all my weaknesses that held me back from reaching some of my goals.
Now that she is gone, even as a middle aged man, I feel orphaned. But then I hear my mother’s voice talking to me, repeating what she has told me many times “You have always done your duty as my oldest son and unlike many other parents have about their children, I have no disappointments at all with you. So I will never be gone from your life. Even if my body leaves this earth, my spirit will be always be around protecting and guiding you”.
And, come to think of it, from my side I have no regrets as well. There was nothing left unsaid or any unfinished business between me and her. She lived a good life and had a relatively painless passage out of this world (which is ultimately what is sought by reciting the Mahamrityunjaya Mantra).
So I will move forward full steam ahead with my life and ensure that all the efforts that my mother made in bringing me into this world and nurturing me during sickness and health shall not have been in vain.
Finally, when it is my time to kick the bucket, I will have no fear whatsoever, since I have no doubt she will be out there somewhere waiting to welcome me back in her arms once again!
#1 by Venky Medicharla on 2013/12/29 - 7:12 pm
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Good one Venky. Mother and child bonding is always special.
#2 by Uday on 2013/12/30 - 1:23 am
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Nice article… very heartfelt.
#3 by Arun on 2014/01/20 - 3:24 pm
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Really powerful and inspiring. This piece reminds me not to take advantage of the fact that I still have my mother and cherish every moment I have with her.
#4 by Praveen Desai on 2014/01/21 - 1:21 am
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Hi Venky,
Very sorry to hear of your mothers demise. She was a really a very good person. My wife and myself speak of her (met her when she visited Nowalk), quiet often.
May her soul rest in peace. It is indeed very very good that she listened to the Vedic Chants. Truly Blessed. Hope your dad is holding up well, being a spiritual person himself, May God provide strength to you and your family during this difficult period.
Regards
Praveen & Anitha
#5 by Elizabeth Chappell on 2014/01/21 - 1:22 am
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I am sorry to hear about your loss. Your mother sounds like an amazing lady.
Blessings to you and your family.
Elizabeth
#6 by Tracy Fisher on 2014/01/21 - 1:23 am
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I was so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear mother, Venky. I am also the oldest child so understand your special bond (although I didn’t have a near death experience at birth). Wow!
You were obviously such a blessing to your mother and she was to you.
Thanks for writing such a beautiful tribute to her. It was very inspiring and makes me want to hug my own parents even more often.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Warm Regards,
Tracy
#7 by Mallikarjunan on 2014/01/21 - 1:24 am
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Very touching , Venky
#8 by Sandhya Shekhar on 2014/01/21 - 1:25 am
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Very poignantly written. Glad that you have found the inner strength to move on ahead full steam.
Sandhya
#9 by sean messick on 2014/01/21 - 1:26 am
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Venky,
My condolences. Hope you and your family have a blessed New Year!
Thank you,
Sean
#10 by Julie Reedy on 2014/01/21 - 1:26 am
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So sorry to hear about your loss. Julie
#11 by Becky Berger on 2014/01/21 - 1:27 am
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That is very special. Your Mother will be with you always. Hope your New Year is wonderful.
Becky
#12 by Achutan on 2014/01/21 - 1:29 am
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Dear Venky,
Good to hear from you and Hope you are doing well. And wish you a Happy New Year!!
I remember your parents while being there for Rudram lessons. Also dropping them back home from satsangs while in Dallas.
It is said that like how we celebrate the birth, the passing on is a celebration too for the being within is eternal.
‘There once was a person who loved me more than herself. And that is my mother’~SriSri~. Such is the unconditional love of the mother and that is beyond time.
Warm Regards
Achutan
#13 by Pam Mitchell on 2014/01/21 - 1:30 am
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This was a very sweet tribute, Venky. I am so sorry for your loss and know that even when you are prepared, it is difficult. It sounds like your mother was amazing. I lost my mom several years ago and I still miss her every day.
Best wishes,
Pam
#14 by Brad Hunt on 2014/01/21 - 1:30 am
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What a lovely tribute Venky! Your mother was obviously a very special person and I thank you for sharing this article with me.
Best regards,
Brad
#15 by Devi on 2014/01/23 - 12:54 am
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I was filled with tears when reading ….Your amma is truly blessed. All the very best in everything you do, Devi
#16 by Nila largaespada on 2014/01/24 - 4:50 pm
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Venky,
I congratulate you and respect you more as a person …you’ve put together such beautiful tribute to your mom.
May our Lord keep giving you the strength !
Nila